ADDICTION HAS NO BIAS
Addiction has no bias. Never did the girl that followed all the rules think that she would be an “addict” by her mid-20s. Never did the girl that made straight A’s in college think that she would fall victim to addiction. Never did the woman who obtained her Doctorate degree think she would risk it all … for alcohol.
Surely, the social activity that was the “norm” was harmless. The nights out in college, the routine glasses of wine prior to bed after a hard day at work, the beers at the local pub cheering on my Florida Gators. What harm was this?
Throughout college, I believed indulging in a glass of wine was the classy thing to do. Sure, it helped with the stress of studying, taking the edge off on an occasional night. And blacking out when going out to clubs was normal, right? More and more, I would find myself with those nights and it was regarded as the “highlight of the night.” These nights became more frequent as I graduated college and became a professional. Social anxiety grabbed a hold of me and led to more and more drinks in order to feel comfortable in my skin in social engagements, whether they were dates or with friends.
I experienced multiple failed romantic relationships. Dates turned into drunken nights, sexual interactions and blurred mornings of the nights before. My focus became more and more on feeding my anxiety the toxic medicine it needed and less on pursuing meaningful relationships. While initially I chose men that I felt worthy of, my selection became more and more about “having someone” and especially on having someone to drink with. Somehow, my brain interpreted this as more acceptable.
As I realized that alcohol was becoming an issue, in more ways than one, I sought out counseling. Years and years of counseling amounted to lots of bills and a person that wasn’t able to accept that she had a problem.
Strained and failed relationships are but a fraction of the consequences that I faced because of addiction. As my body craved more and more alcohol, I found myself spending more and more of my paycheck on bottles of wine. One or two glasses a night of a $30 bottle turned into one $15 bottle which eventually turned into a box of wine. Before I knew it, the woman who considered herself young and healthy was strewn with health issues characteristic of an older adult. The woman who had a lucrative career had debt that she couldn’t keep up with. Alcohol didn’t care that I had become a successful professional. It was slowly seeping into every facet of my life.