Addiction and the holidays

Have a drink, they say. Let's celebrate!

I've always been a fan of the holidays.

Thanksgiving ...  the food, smells, and friendsgivings. Christmas ... and the decorations, family and cheer. What once was an innocent celebration started to become an excuse to throw a party and an excuse to drink. Sure it was socially acceptable to drink at a party, but as the years went on friends began to see that the party had control over me.

When the last guest departed, I would pop open the bottle that was given as a host gift and continue to indulge in isolation. I would sometimes pass out until the morning, where I would have gaps in my memory of the night before. As time went on, passing out became the norm and the gaps became larger and larger. The pieces of the puzzle were becoming even more difficult to put together.

As the years went on and my friends and family were keenly aware of my relationship with alcohol, I no longer drank with company. Instead, I would host gatherings and drink water until I was finally alone. Instead, I would engage in social events and order a soda. Sometimes it seemed like an eternity until I was able to do so. It was a race to get home so that I could take that sip. It was a relief when I was finally home alone no longer in the eye of others and able to engage in my nightly routine.

Having just experienced my first holidays being sober, I am thankful for no longer feeling disengaged and isolated but instead feeling engaged, visible and extreme togetherness. I wish you all a wonderful holiday season and a great New Year!

See you all in 2025.